A Chronological List of Don'ts (with visual aids)

Don't begin your day reading a book you've read before but decided on a whim to read again because you couldn't remember all the details. It's also a book that distracts you from all other responsibilities for the day. Note the messy counter in the background. Don't look at the clock at 12 and realize you forgot to buy milk last night and also could use some lunch. You should've looked at the clock at 10:30 and realized your daughter needed to be down for her nap early so you don't have to wake her up when it's time to leave at 3 for her 3:30 appointment where she gets to take her cast off (yes run-on sentences, there's a ripple effect of don'ts). Don't think when you come back in the garage from said outting that you can ease up on parking so precisely in your garage because you'll be leaving before your husband who parks on the other side comes home. This will bring you slightly closer to the little red manual-garage-door-opener-pull-down thingy. Don't go back inside and continue to read previously mentioned book, that will make you butt up against your alotted time for your shower. Once that happens then you are slightly rushed while getting your two kids out the door. Again, don't read the book, that makes you shirk your wifely duties (like dishes), and now you have to wash a bottle for your baby so he can eat a little snack, which you don't have time to do yourself because you read the book too long so your shower took too long and you're too late to do that for him (anyone watch Dora the Explorer? "You're tooooo late!" *Swiper the Fox*). Now after all this, you're rushed when you're leaving 2 minutes late, which makes you anxious and on edge. NOW, don't have an SUV. Because if you have an SUV then the door you just put your son in will catch the little red pull down thingy in it and you won't notice, because why would you ever look up there to make sure it wasn't caught (since you're also short and it really would be looking way up)? Then, try really hard not to swear loudly when you hear a crashbang and you look back and "Why in the hell is the garage door partway down? Oh no, oh my gosh, what? What the freak??" And so on as you get out of your door and your slow brain begins to put together what just happened.............. (sadly, for blogxcitingness, it was worse than it looks)See, now look what you've gone and done. It's 102 degrees outside, your kids are in the car that you can't leave on because DANGIT you need gas really badly, and now they're both ticked off. And you, well. You are freaking out because now you get to call your husband! And you are stuck in the garage because you've shoved it off the track and it is JAMMED. Bashed, bent and jammed off its tracks. Holy crap, you are stuck in the garage! Now you have to call and change the appt, which makes you cry. Well, if you can get there by 4:15 then you're ok. And since you can't get ahold of anyone and it'll take your mad husband 35 minutes to get home, you can't get there so you are now crying more because you feel so bad that your daughter has to wait 4 more days now to get her smelly funked out cast off. And you're crying EVEN more because you now have to pay to fix said door! So you leave your son in his carseat to chomp after you've made him a bottle so he'll quit screaming at you (sheesh, they need to eat sometimes??), and leave your daughter watching Dora for the 4th time that morning since you were reading your book and didn't want to amuse her, aaaaannnnnd go bash your frustrations out on the garage door with a hammer and an aluminum baseball bat. Well guess what? You're frustrated enough and sweaty enough and mad enough that you fixed it well enough to open it!!!!! (Feel free to begin laughing now at the image of a really sweaty and angry mom bashing on a door with a hammer and a bat). So you call back the lady at the orthopaedics office who is now laughing when she hears your name (since you're not crying anymore after your hammer tirade), and hallelujah, you can still come today if you get there by 4:15. Drive fast! Oh wait, turn around and go lock your door since your garage door is jammed open above the door header since it won't stay up all the way by itself!
Oh but look at the sweet happy little tiny girl who gets to have her cast taken off, and you made it there at 4:12 so you won't get beehotch slapped by the admin lady. It itches! Marty helped the itch but she kind of got a little wild with him and I had to take him away, she drew blood with the itching. And pee-ewww! Stankin' little arm she had there! Obviously I know it's not her fault and everyone with a cast smells like yuck when it comes off.Look at her tiny little arm. And yes Kara, she is linked genetically for sure to Ben, check out this face again! Total Ben picture face. My little princess. She makes me get a little choked up just looking at her. Ok, now back to the don'ts. Don't stop at the store on the way home to get a drink, because you're so thirsty after not stopping to drink anything that you have an odd craving for Orange Crush soda. This is a don't merely because it's so gross! Yuck, yuck, yuck. Now that it's 6:45 and you're finally home again, don't rush your daughter eating dinner so she can still be in bed by 7:45 or 8, and put sugar on her fruit. I do that anyway normally, but only like half a teaspoon. Just wash off a spoon (remember the un-done dishes) instead of trying to do it the quicker way by slowly shaking a bit out of your sugar jar. Since you don't have much finesse, the entire contents of the jar will dump onto your daughters fruit and your counter.

Wait! Don't forget your sweet happy patient little boy who needs to eat and who has skipped a feeding for the day because of your stupid DON'T day. He's found his two fingers to suck on and so is quiet, but still hungry.
Look at that little profile, don't you just want to smoosh it.Don't forget you love your kiddos!

Good thing Ben came home still mad about the door so he was able to correctly bash on the door to get it back into the track... Still dented, but at least now it opens and closes and was free!
And also, don't forget that you had an anniversary (your 6th!!) on Saturday and still need to blog about that, as well as two ridiculously cute videos you have of your ridiculously cute kids. That'll come tomorrow after I have a doctors appointment that will hopefully tell me there is nothing seriously wrong with me since I have had a blocked tear duct for the last month.